I listened to sufjan stevens' 'Chicago' as i drifted off to sleep finally around 5 this morning. I haven't been able to sleep or eat well since we got here. It doesn't help that i cut weed from my diet cold turkey or cut down on the cigs. It also doesn't help that my grandpa and maxine are old and eating mush food. Doesn't appeal to me, thanks. So i am laying in bed now, and i can hear my grandpa telling my mom how much he loves her and me. I know what's coming next, and so does my mom, so she reciprocates the sentiments, and changes the topic to something light before God enters the conversation. My initial reaction to religion now is horrible. I could easily offend if my censors aren't in full operation. I know not every religious person is mean and 2-faced. And i am being a hypocrite as well by judging people who believe in God. So, to change this, i really want to go to Amanda's church when i get back to SLO. They are open-minded, so it will be good. At least once.
And now i can hear my grandpa bringing the subject back... He's getting old, and he desperately wants to see us in the 'Kingdom of Heaven'. He's persistent. He says, "you want an afterlife, don't you?"
Well, actually, grandpa, i think this is heaven and hell. Where we are right now, on this earth, planet, living thing. Do you care for nothing but your own salvation? Kind of selfish don't you think?
I don't mean to offend. Just venting... Like Selene told me to do. "vent like Pele", the volcano.
I'm not afraid to speak my mind or stand up for what i believe, but i have not and will not force my ideas down someone else's throat. Which is why I am not mad about Oct. 19th and the day of silence from the pro-lifers. It's a good idea. I'd rather them keep their mouth shut anyway. It would be a nice change for them. So i have this fantasy of going to planned parenthood on that day and playing music about freedom. And singing and dancing around in practically nothing. The nothing part would be to get attention. The singing would be the statement. Maybe hand out flowers to the vile women harrassing the girls entering the building... And the girls of course. We'll see.
And what does Ashley always wind up talking about? Usually not in 3rd person...
Books! I am currently reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It's a ridiculously old copy and fallin apart bit by bit. And i'm in love with it! It has sociology, twisted romance, crazy symbology, and an evil villain that's hard to pinpoint. It amazes me how much i have identified with every book i've read. Even more intensely in the past year. Can't wait to read Atlas Shrugged now.
So, the vaca, if you can call it that (hasn't been so far, but it will be soon), should proceed as follows: tomorrow morning we'll be driving to st. Louis to see the arch and eat at a bomb deli/bakery that we read about on yelp.com. Then we'll drop off the rental, and continue to Iowa City in our new '94 Chevy. This was my one and only request while on this road trip. So i can go visit my dear friend Amanda Horn (Maui friend). I'll be spending the night with her, smoke some ganja, catch up, and then we'll leave early Fri. Morning and drive as fast as possible without injury to Yellowstone! I am excited for the impending photog sesh. After that, we have no firm plans, except mom needs to be back in SLO by next Th. We were thinking of going through Zion, but we might be biting off more than we can chew.
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